My first death terrified me. Surrounded by objects that were familiar, I walked, and then ran, across the theatre’s stage. My enemies, seemingly unaware of my presence, trotted below me, oblivious to my lethal moves. There was running, and there was jumping. The crowd of one grew to two, and began to cheer at my escapades. And I knew subconsciously this show would go on with or without my presence, which did not make my passing easier. It was routine, the jump.

I pressed the wrong button.

In retrospect, Super Mario Bros. 3 should not have scared me. But something about the backgrounds—spinning rotors, clouds hanging from the sky, exiting stage right—provided a surreal backdrop to the comfortable hoppin’ and boppin’ to which I was accustomed. So, was it real? Did everything that happened in the Mushroom Kingdom actually happen, or did Mario and Luigi not survive that fateful night down the pipe? What’s the deal with King Wart and Mouser and Birdo?

Metaphysical clarity certainly does not lend itself to the Mario franchise; we’re talking about a plumber who traveled to a magical land, bested a nefarious turtle, sucked his three best friends into a dream and escaped with an androgynous monster, put on a stage show of their exploits for god-knows-who, and then saved the world again. That’s not all! The Mario brothers traversed both the space-time continuum and terrible game design to find each other. They reverted to baby forms for some reason. They transcended two dimensional spaces. Mario had a talking Super Soaker and traveled to the Caribbean.

And then they went to space.

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Kevin Hainline
Nintendorks Editor

I've never been too excited about the idea of "spring break." When the general public thinks of this weeklong college tradition, they see the equivalent of a late night Comedy Central Commercial, all breasts and wraparound sunglasses and quiet, soft tears shed between peals of vomit. To me, though spring break is about going somewhere warm and sunny, with some sort of large body of water, and I went to school in Southern California, so...where would I go? Mexico? NOT RIGHT NOW. Also, I don't really need to see sad college girls getting drunk on Coors Light, hooting until they are hoarse, and making porn in a trailer for a hat.

This year, my girlfriend suggested that we go to a beach house in Gulf Shores, Alabama for spring break. This sounded super sweet until we realized that the most economical way to go about doing this (we are both graduate students) would be a road trip. Gulf Shores is two-thousand and sixty-seven miles away from Los Angeles. If you were to drive this distance, straight-through, it would take 33 hours, without bathroom breaks or eating. This is a ludicrous thing to propose. But, hey, we are young, and fairly stupid, and so we threw a bunch of snacks, a tent, and some clothes into a car and then started driving. We also brought along Pokémon.
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I love Marvel vs. Capcom 2. I think it’s one of the better fighting games, partially because it’s less about how to perform fighting moves and more about when to use them. The game, while popular, has a kind of mixed following, however, because it’s extremely chaotic and some people just cannot get into that. “I can’t tell what’s going on half the time because the moves take up the entire screen and also I hate Cyclops,” one now-deceased man was quoted as having said with his last breath. If he was still around, I could tell him that Tatsunoko vs. Capcom is like a calmer Marvel vs. Capcom 2. It’s still absolutely crazy compared to something like Virtua Fighter, but only because it’s incredibly Japanese and not because it’s too chaotic. One of the strengths of this game is that you can tell what's going on while having absolutely no idea of what's going on.
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It’s odd to feel nostalgic for something brand new, but this is what “Nostalgia” accomplishes. It’s a traditionally made JRPG for the DS with turn based random battles across an overworld with airships. It’s hard for it to get more traditional than this, but it does by focusing the story on adventure and exploration and away from overly dramatic androgynous protagonists. The initial plot here is simple; Eddie Brown must find his father, a famous adventurer, whom has gone missing. In the process; he will make new friends, do all sorts of side quests, and generally waste as much time as any old fashioned RPG character would when you'd wrongfully assume they'd be focused on the mission at hand. Even when plot developments expose new urgent dangers… “No, I’ve got to find this woman’s lost ring.”

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EA's "Need for Speed" series is no stranger to just about every game platform ever released. It was always the racer that tried to please everyone and ended up enthralling no one. This year, after a tepid critical and commercial performance for "Undercover," EA decided to split the series into a serious experience approaching a simulation on the HD consoles, and a more playful and colorful game on the Wii and DS. After spending some time with the Wii and DS versions, "Need for Speed Nitro," this is looking like a good move.

I wasn't expecting much from "Nitro" on the DS, mostly because you can count the number of good racing games on the platform on one hand. I am pleasantly surprised. "Nitro" is a solid game, though not spectacular.
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The "Scene It?" trivia games have always been more of a gimmick than actual fun party games. A movie trivia game with audio and video is a good idea, but awkward DVD menus, slow navigation, repeating questions, and a completely unnecessary board were all obstacles to making it a good party game.

The recent video game versions on Xbox 360 have been a far better experience, but they were a bit overproduced – you don’t want to watch poorly animated cutscenes, you want to answer trivia questions. The new mutliplatform "Scene It? Bright Lights! Big Screen!" has fixed many of the annoying issues with the previous games, but I'm not sure if that's just because it seems to have been produced with a much smaller budget.
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“Band Hero” is Activision’s attempt to bring the experience (and profitability!) of full-band plastic instrument games to the Nintendo DS.

“Band Hero” is also a bad idea for a game to its very core.
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I remember being excited about the possibility of light gun/rail shooters on the Wii after the system was first announced. Sure, I appreciate a more "real" gaming experience like Zelda or Resident Evil 4 much more, but I have very fond memories of playing games like "House of the Dead" or "The Lost World" in arcades and always thought that a similar experience at home would only be a good thing. In fact, with arcades almost completely extinct in the U.S. it's now more important than ever to have quality releases of rail shooters for the home. The problem now, though, is that it seems we get too many rail shooters on the Wii. Honestly, after picking up "House of the Dead 2 & 3 Return" and "Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles" I felt I had all the light gun-esque gameplay I really needed at home. EA's "Dead Space: Extraction" made me realize how wrong I was. It turns out there is plenty of growth in the genre. These types of games don't have to all be exactly the same.


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Cory may have heard about it, but the existence of a game called "Spyborgs" was news to me. Published by Capcom, it's a nifty little 3D brawler which features, presumably, spyborgs. I assume this means they are part spy and part cyborg, which is of course part human and part machine... so they're half spy, a quarter machine, and another quarter humanity. Or, perhaps, its suggested that they are half man, half spy... I'll just stop now. I've already put way more thought into this than anyone else has. None of it makes sense because one selectable character in this Wii brawler is a full on gorilla robot, but I suppose he could have a human brain that's fed a continual supply of Nuke to keep it at ease.

Remember how "Turtles in Time" is often brought up when discussing great brawlers of the past? If you think about it more you begin to wonder why. Now don't get me wrong, "Turtles in Time" is a great deal of fun, but let's be honest with ourselves here. You run around a bit and hit things in linear levels without the ability to block and no combos moves of any sort. You are excruciatingly limited in what you can do. Now that's not necessarily a bad thing. Some games can have simple mechanics and still excel in their genre thanks to great level design and charm. Well, "Spyborgs" improves on the old brawler formula by giving you a couple different options when it comes to combat, but misses out on the charm and interesting levels.
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It seems impossible to write an introduction to this review, especially considering how self-explanatory the title is. Here: "The Beatles: Rock Band" is a "Rock Band" game with the Beatles in it. You have guitar, bass, drums and this time, up to three microphones, and you faux-play music using on-screen guides. It is amazing. If you have any affinity at all for "Rock Band" and the Beatles, you should go to the store and purchase it.

"Well," you say, "that was not a very comprehensive review. How am I supposed to make an informed purchasing decision? How about some details and comparisons? What exactly makes it amazing?" Okay.



"The Beatles: Rock Band" is the Harmonix take on dedicating an entire rhythm game to one band. It is also the first time that they have featured real people in one of their rhythm games. Neversoft has tried both of these in post-"Legends of Rock" "Guitar Hero" with varying levels of success. Kurt Cobain's recent appearance in Guitar Hero 5 is certainly on the "shitty" end of that spectrum. "Guitar Hero: Metallica," on the other end of the spectrum, was fairly well-received, but at the end of the day it was "Guitar Hero: World Tour" with a lot of similar-sounding Metallica songs and some songs by other bands to fill it out. Metallica, as a band, don't have enough variety and legitimately good songs to fill up an entire game.

I think the Beatles may be the only band that actually merits an entire game. They are easily the biggest name in rock, even 40 years after disbanding. They have an absurd number of legitimately great and recognizable songs. Their career spans an incredible variety of musical styles. They have a compelling band story with a definitive end. One aspect of their music - extensive use of vocal harmonies - becomes a great addition to the Rock Band featureset.

Let's break that down after the jump.
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